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Alone in the Virtual Universe January 31, 2009

Posted by Steve in diary.
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you_are_here67,000 people in world, and no one to talk to.

Talk about feeling alone in a crowded room.

It’s my fault, of course.  No guts no glory.  Despite a world full of people, I’m too damned shy to go out and talk to any of them.  My real life personality has followed me into Second Life.

So, I live in my own virtual paradox.  I want to be alone, yet being alone is a nightmare to me.  This is the meaning behind my poem, “The Perfect Place

I have an obsession to be validated, yet I’m so afraid of being invalidated that I do nothing to fulfill the obsession.

My head is in a strange place right now.  For some reason, I’m experiencing a very strong chemical imbalance.  I’ve been in a funk for quite a while that I haven’t been able to shake.

Posting after midnight while in a funk is always a mistake.  We tend to say things that are illogical and things that we don’t really mean.  And yet I post anyway, because the need to is so strong.  Posting a blog entry is my way of screaming out to the world, “I’m here!  I exist,” and hoping that someone in the world comes back and says, “yes, you do exist, and you are a valid person.”  The validation is fleeting, as the need for it seems to be insatiable.

Well, I better end this post before I fall asleep


This is a Blog Post!!!! Yes!!! January 29, 2009

Posted by Steve in diary, philosophy, princess ivory, reflections.
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chapters-3-6-or-fairytales_006Princess read again yesterday, and it was, again, a remarkable reading.  It is one thing to read a story, but quite another to give it life.  Princess does that, and she particularly shined with her reading of “Wolf” from The Rose and the Beast.

I’ve been hanging out in Grizzy’s Cafè before I go to sleep of late.  Last night was fantasy creature night, and you were supposed to show up as your favorite fantasy creature.  I’ve never really felt a strong inclination to be a being other than human, so I just told everyone that Second Life allows me to fulfill my fantasy every time I’m in-world simply because I have hair.

Yes, it’s a small thing, but we all have visions of who we are in our heads, and my vision of who I am happens to have a full head of hair.  As a result I am usually somewhat surprised by that bald guy looking back at me in the mirror in TAW.  Alphonsus is much more how I see myself.  I feel much more “me” being him.

I just published the last installment of Feline Blue, and now I feel like trying to explain it further and writing short, scientific articles about some of the other stuff I’ve thought about throughout my life.  I have a theory as to how the speed of light is related to the size of the universe, and should therefore not be a constant but should increase as the universe expands.  I have another theory which explains why time travel could never exist as it does in the movies.  Alas, the two theories contradict each other, so something’s got to be wrong somewhere.

I also want to expound further on my Uncertainty Theorum, from which my statement that nothing can be provable beyond unreasonable doubt was derived.

So, if you are not someone interested in science or philosophy, odds are pretty good that my next entries into my Written Word blog will bore you to tears.  It will, however, be more fresh stuff; not stuff that I’ve recycled from years gone by.

I never had the chops to be a mathematician.  I had a horrible teacher for Calculous II and I never really recovered after that.  I did have the chops to be a computer programmer, a philosopher, a writer, or a scientist of some sort.  So, naturally, I ended up as a librarian.  I simply took the path of least resistance.  I know how to think, but motivation has never been my strong point.  Oh well.

Today is my step-daughter’s 21st birthday (this is the person also known as PFKAT – Person Formerly Known As Teenager).  At long last she is an adult in every legal sense, and in many emotional and intellectual senses as well.

Well, I have early meetings today, so I should be getting ready for work.  Later, peeps.


Part 2 of 3 of Feline Blue is published January 28, 2009

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I just published Part 2 of 3 of Feline Blue.   http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/feline-blue-part-2-of-3/

I just published Feline Blue – Part 1 of 3 January 27, 2009

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I just published Part 1 of 3 of Feline Blue.  It’s about a 10 year old’s perspective on quantum physics. http://alphonsuspeck.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/feline-blue-part-1-of-3/

I’ve posted The Color – Part 2 January 26, 2009

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And now, the bang up conclusion to yesterday’s part 1 of the color.


Just another sleepy post January 26, 2009

Posted by Steve in diary.
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After midnight.  I lay with my computer in my lap again, wondering, again, if my fingers will produce any words worthy of reading.

I have felt poorly today.  My emotional ebb is low.  I have friends all around me who are suffering from various degrees of hurt.  Their pain is greater than mine, but my pain is enough for me.  Mine is without good cause, at least not cause that I am consciously aware of.  I can think of no way of describing my state of mind that is not cliche, so I won’t bother describing it.  Suffice it to say that I now feel what most others have experienced at some point in their lives.  No big deal, if you look at it from that perspective.

Others suffer, and I’m too tired to try to heal.  It is not my job, I know.  But helping others is one of the ways I define myself.  Even if I could be described as gifted in other ways, without this helpful aspect of myself, my life bears little meaning.

I feel, so badly, the desire to cocoon myself.  It would be futility, and I would gain nothing from it.   Reality awaits me outside of whatever temporary walls I erect.  I cannot hide from it for long.  Denying reality is the way insanity lies.  As hard as reality is to define, one must still seek to define it, and come up with the best “reasons” as possible.

Sleep is what I need now.  Sleep and peace and rest, and a feeling of love from somewhere.

I tweated HolyGod tonight requested a hug from him or his kid.  Can’t hurt, can it?

eyes closing.  It’s been a long day.  Very tired. Good night, and sweet dreams, all.


Weird Al Yankovic’s version of “Complicated” January 25, 2009

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Just a day where the following video seems VERY appropriate.  This is Weird Al Yankovic’s, “Constipated”

May all of your movements of the day be pleasant ones.  🙂

The Color – Part 1 January 25, 2009

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I’ve uploaded the first half of my short story, “The Color” to my written word blog.


Shall I Move my Blogger blog to WordPress? January 24, 2009

Posted by Steve in Uncategorized.
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I was playing around with Alphonsus’s Written Word yesterday and found a way to create a second blog. As an experiment, I transferred the entire content of my Blogger blog, comments and all, over to WordPress.

Now the question is, what do I do with it? I have an established presence over on Blogger, and virtually all of my friends use it exclusively. On the other hand, I love the dashboard of WordPress, and the way it tracks statistics. I have found WordPress to be a better experience overall then Blogger. What’s more, as WordPress is not associated with Google, I don’t have to log out of one Gmail account over to another just to use it. This has been just a minor annoyance, but it is an annoyance nonetheless.

I’ve yet to set up any widgets on this version of Alphonsus’s Random Drivel. I’d like to get the feed back of my friends before I do that. I’m still looking at templates over here. There are about 60 of them, varying from 1 column to 3 columns, with fixed or flexible widths.

Hmmm. I guess I’m kinda sold on WordPress. What I’m looking for are any good reasons why I should NOT move.

My new blog address would be https://alphonsus.wordpress.com

Love and peace and seeking the joy, whatever the hell that is.


New Written Word entry January 23, 2009

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I’ve just added a new entry to Alphonsus’s Written Word. This one is part of the “Laments of the Gardener’s Husband” series and is called “The Rototiller”.