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Alone in the Virtual Universe January 31, 2009

Posted by Steve in diary.
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you_are_here67,000 people in world, and no one to talk to.

Talk about feeling alone in a crowded room.

It’s my fault, of course.  No guts no glory.  Despite a world full of people, I’m too damned shy to go out and talk to any of them.  My real life personality has followed me into Second Life.

So, I live in my own virtual paradox.  I want to be alone, yet being alone is a nightmare to me.  This is the meaning behind my poem, “The Perfect Place

I have an obsession to be validated, yet I’m so afraid of being invalidated that I do nothing to fulfill the obsession.

My head is in a strange place right now.  For some reason, I’m experiencing a very strong chemical imbalance.  I’ve been in a funk for quite a while that I haven’t been able to shake.

Posting after midnight while in a funk is always a mistake.  We tend to say things that are illogical and things that we don’t really mean.  And yet I post anyway, because the need to is so strong.  Posting a blog entry is my way of screaming out to the world, “I’m here!  I exist,” and hoping that someone in the world comes back and says, “yes, you do exist, and you are a valid person.”  The validation is fleeting, as the need for it seems to be insatiable.

Well, I better end this post before I fall asleep

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Comments»

1. Princess Ivory - January 31, 2009

yes, you do exist, and you are a valid person.

I know what you mean about your personality following you into SL. It feels that way to me too. In a place with no limits, we impose our existing limitations on our virtual self, our virtual world.

You have friends. We do hear and read your words and writing, even though we often are silent as we do so. It is not your flaw, it is our own.

Consider yourself validated. Cows are great and so are you.
And your writing on your writing blog is amazing. You write very well and don’t let yourself tell you otherwise. Just keep writing.

Love,
Princess

2. joankr - February 1, 2009

Alphonsus, I really relate to your comment, “I want to be alone, yet being alone is a nightmare to me.” That’s been a theme my whole life — and still is. AND, it follows me into Second Life, as well. I think that’s because SL isn’t separate from the rest of my life — just one more piece of the puzzle. I have lived long enough, though, to realize that people see/read/hear/validate you more than you may realize. Check out the writers’ groups in SL — I think you’ll find lots of kindred spirits.

Joan


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