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Psychological Borderline August 9, 2014

Posted by Steve in diary.
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Blog entry for Sat. Aug 9, 2014

Okay, first of all, this is not about Borderline Personality Disorder.  It’s about the borderline between control and lack of control.  It’s about the borderline depression and wellness.  It’s about living on the cutting edge an emotional meltdown.

Why this is happening can probably be explained by my previous posts.  A: I have money worries again.  B: My daughter was just in a car accident that may have totaled her car.  C: This is just a kind of perpetual one – not enough sleep.

I’m not sure to what extent I’m living on the edge financially.  My cutting out of cable TV will help, but not until next month.  This month I’m trying to live as frugally as possible, and I’m not sure how well I’m doing.  Francesca keeps paying back pieces of her loan, which helps a lot.  My appetite is the thing that is causing me the most worry.

Well, not the most worry.  Will Kaylee’s car be totaled?  What will the insurance company give us for it?  How much more money will I have to throw at cars before she can drive again.  I’ve said long ago that I can’t keep spending money like this on emergencies.  The kid has an 18th birthday coming up this Wednesday.  I want her not to have to worry about the car on this magic day for her.

Lack of sleep, well, that comes down to willpower and and Second Life, one I don’t have enough of and one that dominates too large a portion of my life.

So I’m at the edge, and I don’t like it here.  I know that I need sleep more than anything else.  But there remains so much to do.

Alas and alack.  Woe is me and stuff.  I shall persevere, I guess.

~ Steve

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