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2Blog | ~2Blog April 23, 2007

Posted by Steve in diary, reflections.

I have not spent a great deal of time writing in my blog of late, and I find myself now stretching my mind to find the reasons for this. I have been active in SL–as active as I have ever been. I’ve been building nice little pieces of furniture on Renaissance Island, and am quite comfortable with the small profits from my sales there. My little shoppe will never make me rich, but it is enough to make me feel less bad about spending Lindens on the fun and the frivolous.

In general, I am feeling lazier toward virtually all activities these days. I feel no great, creative spark driving me. I feel no great joy, nor great pain, nor even a general sense of numbness. In stark simplicity, I have not been blogging because right now I have little to say. While this has not stopped me in the past, my general laziness toward all things has extended into this medium. How much excitement can there be in a report that I have built an awl, a mallet, and an axe? True, it is of some interest that Catherine has found a way to turn me into a walking ethanol molecule, and that we were visited by several large, tentacled things from the group cybersex-something, but it has reached the point where such transformations and materializations have become rather blasé, so common place that they are.

That I am loosing the spark of wonder at this world is causing my animator to feel that he needs to spend a bit more time in reality and suffer its inconveniences, such as the necessity of eating and–shudder–travel.

Or is it that my inability to find the spark is just another symptom of my laziness–the unwillingness to think too hard. No matter. I have doubt that it is a temporary condition, and that one day I will soon return to my semi-more energetic, semi-less lazy self.


Of Can’ts and Rainbows April 13, 2007

Posted by Steve in diary, reflections.
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I had the unexpected delight of attending a Renaissance Island meeting. The meeting itself was not unexpected, nor was my attendance. It was the delight I found in it to be beyond my expectations.

I feel I held a place in the positive outcome in the meeting by planting a few seeds in the mind of the meeting organizer. Later, when a person named Puglet (whose animator works as a big mucky-muck for ALA) went forward with her reasons for asking for Showtime to make a contribution to the cause, the meeting organizer was pre-prepared to support her notions. Things progressed smoothly from that point forward, and the subtle but undeniable threat was communicated to the Showtime representative that we will be perfectly willing to drop this project should they not come through with supportive funding.

As of the result of this meeting, I watched friendships re-kindle, and watched other misunderstandings clear up. I also found myself somehow cast into playing some role in the island development, although what this role will be is as yet anyone’s guess.

I spent some time after this meeting with FD, Cathering, Alpha, and Mykyl, and watched the workings of a new, remarkable sign. It distressed me somewhat to find Cathering (who seemed to take delight in this misspelling of her name) in a distressed mood herself. She is not feeling productive. We really must sit down and develop the great “Product” which will make the name “Brother’s of the Twisted Prim” world renowned. I am, alas, lazy, so this will cost me some mental and emotional effort. But if we can find the proper project to inspire us, I am sure I can get past my sloth-like tendencies. As a child, my animator wanted to be an inventor. The reality of being somewhat hopeless with hardware has somewhat squashed that dream for him. Again, perhaps the physics of SL will prove less troublesome for me, and I can help him to realize his dreams.

I ended up spending the evening trying to filter through three conversations at once, which was more than my easily befuddled brain could handle. I ended up spending time with Lina discussing the bemusing but also painful trials which could ultimately lead the collapse of Wings of Hope magazine. Again, I find it incomprehensible to me that religion can inspire such descent and anger. Such drama runs completely counter to my internal programming, and I often find myself at a loss to understand just what exactly the problem is.

Then again, there is much about religion that I find befuddling. A happier life may be obtainable if I could learn to accept that there are some mindsets that I do not understand, and, while I accept that understanding of some of these mindsets may ultimately be possible, I also have come to believe that certain mindsets may be beyond my understanding. I have encountered such minds before, and find that I can often argue the person down to acknowledging a barefaced contradiction in their thinking. The finding of such a contradiction would immediately cause me to reevaluate my thoughts…others seem quite content to live with the contradiction.

When encountering such people I also often find that their world is full of “can’ts”. You can’t do this…I can’t do that… etc. This is merely my observation, but I have found it to be a measure of someone’s sanity to count the number of can’ts they have in their lives. A person with many can’ts will live an isolated and lonely life. A person with more can’ts than this will fall into insanity.

A person who is all can’ts is dead.

At any rate, I went to bed last night happy and content, and look forward to another day where I will sit back and enjoy my bafflement. Confusion is but another color in the brain, and my mind is feeling quite the rainbow right now.

Comfortably Uncertain April 10, 2007

Posted by Steve in diary, reflections.
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It has been a quite the trip the last week, riding the rocky cliffs of chaos that is the barrier between SL and RL. I have watched friends take turns holding each other up as they trip over the rough terrain. I have watched grand renaissance dreams disappear in a puff of smoke and then reappear without fanfare, and I have seen the relief and pain caused thereof. I have seen the walls of an entire land, indeed, the land itself, become as insubstantial as a cloud. I have seen the Lindens bestow the miracle called justice and fairness, and share in the joy felt by the wonderful person who’s dream can now be better realized.

I have held back on commenting during this turmoil…my own head too filled with confusion to be able to voice my thoughts in any coherent fashion. My thoughts are no less confused, but at this point I no longer am worried about maintaining coherency. I feel the urge to write again, and I’ll leave it to the reader to unwrap my random ramblings.

Somehow, through the confusion, I have found myself becoming more comfortable in my own pixilated skin. This strange world no longer feels so strange…I’m beginning to feel that I belong here…that I know what to expect. The physics of this world are my physics. This world, crazy as it is, is the world I was born to live in. My fellow Avi’s, on the other hand, are as unique, chaotic, and beautiful as ever, and I am quite sure that I will never quite know what to expect from them. Brie, Cathy, Mykyl, Rocky, Cindy, Lina, Twill, FD, An, my Princess bride, and the mysterious Minerva, and a dozen or so others: all of these friends add to the bubbling, complex flavor of this world…a flavor which changes with every bite.

Chaos continues to reign. Complexity is a natural state of being. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I am damned sure that I do not currently expect it. To live with uncertainty is the only way to live, for, as says the Chinese proverb, while to be uncertain is uncomfortable, being certain is ridiculous.

The Gift of Lag April 4, 2007

Posted by Steve in diary, reflections.
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While at choir yesterday, my animator tried to bring out the Alphonsus Peck in him, and found that, despite the best of his efforts, he could not.

The real world is full words and sounds and, well, reality. Despite how much we comment on the speed of SL, this land has one gift that the real world sometimes lacks…lag.

Most particullary it is the lag of words that makes the difference. In Second Life, there is an opportunity to reflect a few moments before one has to say anything…the opportunity to re-read what has been said and search for deeper meanings…even the opportunity to comment on something stated in passing several minutes previous, because of the magic of history. Words do not bump or crowd against themselves. This is why some of us think better in Second Life, and can be better in Second Life.

This is not an excuse for my animator…to reach his potential, learning to listen, pause, reflect, and then respond is a requirement. Also required is for my animator not to limit his potential, and to strive to attain that better self that he so wishes to be, and is so pleased that I, Alphonsus has been able to find to a degree.

Bleah. April 2, 2007

Posted by Steve in diary.

Bleah. Bleah, bleah bleah bleah. Bleah bleah.

Bleah bleah bleah bleah!